| |
| |
|
Grief & Loss Information |
|
|
|
After Suicide: Returning to Life, Thanks to an Owl
Have you ever lost the ability to laugh? I did. When Arlyn died, I knew I would never laugh again. After all, my child had taken her own life; she had died by suicide. How could I really laugh, when I felt so empty? How could I let lose and laugh out loud, when I hurt so much? Oh, I've managed to smile sometimes, and the sound of quiet laughter has slipped out of my lips a few times, but they were only superficial gestures: no belly laughs for me. Then, a few months ago, I flew to Ft. Meade, Maryland, to visit my sister, Teresa, her husband Mac, and my nine-year old niece, Marisa. They picked me up at the airport, and then we drove to their home. As we were unloading the car, I noticed a large owl perched on the edge of the carport. He had a wise content expression on his face. Teresa told me that the owl had shown up several times over the previous week. Marisa said that they were getting so attached to him that she had named him Simon. We tiptoed past the owl as we went into the house; we didn't want to disturb Simon and cause him to fly away. Teresa cautioned me to not get too close in case it were to suddenly lunge at me. The next morning when we went outside, the owl was still there, in broad daylight! He had moved to a different place on the carport, and he looked quite content. For the rest of my visit, every day, we'd check on the owl and marvel at the fact he had picked this house out of the whole neighborhood to claim as his home. We'd also walk out to the car very quietly so we wouldn't frighten him away. I enjoyed checking on the owl almost as much as I enjoyed sightseeing in the area. Occassionally, we'd would not see Simon on his carport perch, but he was never gone long. If he was gone, I missed him and worried that he might not return. One morning, I excitedly grabbed my camera, almost tripping over my own two feet to get photos of this rare visitor. Even though he had moved to a different location, he was not razzled by my presence as I snuck closer to take his photo. I called to Mac to get his camera, too, but he calmly said he could not find his camera. I couldn't understand why he didn't seem concerned about missing this opportunity for a wonderful up-close photo. One day, I looked up owls on the Internet to learn more about them; I discovered they eat rats and mice. When I told Teresa about the owl's diet, she smiled and seemed really pleased that he'd taken up residence there. When the day arrived for me to return home, I got up early to check on Simon. He was there, a little farther down on his perch, but just as big as ever. I lingered, savoring the chance to be so close to him one last time. Then, I quietly slipped out to the car with my luggage and loaded it into the trunk. A few minutes later, I looked up then toward the carport and I saw Teresa walking out of the house, carrying a broom! Before I knew what was happening, she pulled the broom back behind her and swung it at the owl as hard as she could, knocking the poor helpless bird to the ground. My heart almost jumped out of my blouse, I was so shocked! Teresa is normally a reasonable person, so I could not imagine what had suddenly possessed her to treat this bird so cruelly! Especially right in front of little Marisa. I wanted to scream at her to stop the madness, but only a loud grunt came out. Teresa turned to look at me, and then she dropped the broom. She bent down, picked up the wounded bird and ran toward the car with it in her hands. Strangely, she had an eerie grin on her face! What was going on? By the time Teresa reached the car, I was almost hyperventilating I was so upset. Teresa held Simon up to the window and said "Karyl, this is not a real owl. It's a fake owl that I got to keep the birds away." It took a moment for the truth to sink in, but once I realized she had not beaten a live owl, and that I'd been the butt of a practical joke perpetrated by the whole family for over a week, I laughed so hard that a waterfall of tears spilled down my cheeks. A while later, after I got control of myself, I realized something that surprised me. That was the first time since Arlyn had died that I had relaxed enough to laugh to the core. And it felt good. I knew then that I was finally alive again, even though it had taken almost 7 years to reach that point. When someone we love dies, we may feel as if we died, too. Sooner or later, however, if we allow ourselves to process our grief in a healthy way, we will return to life. A true test of when we reach that point may be when we can laugh with every ounce of our being. Karyl Chastain Beal Death & Education support and counseling, Certified Thanatologist. Author of articles and stories published in magazines and newpapers, Chicken Soup for the Unsinkable Soul. Visit websites: Arlyn's Memorial http://virtual-memorials.com/servlet/ViewMemorials?memid=7461&pageno=1 Suicide Memorial Wall http://suicidememorialwall.com Suicide Discussion Board http://suicidediscussionboard.com board.com
MORE RESOURCES:
Grief-Loss - Google News |
|
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
Grief I didn't know a heart could die before it stopped beating. I didn't know a life could cease before it stopped breathing. Lessons We Learned From Terri Schiavo Let's talk about Terry Schiavo, since her death illustrated for me many aspects of grief and hope. Who among us was not moved by the drama of her last days? I know I was. Watching Death Like it or not, we think in line with our customs and tradition often times, right down to the level of how we think of death, or about death. I was a licensed counselor for many years, and the issue came up a few times, and I was sad at its results, to hear Americas shamefully trying to avoid talking about it. Signs After Suicide: The Red Butterfly Shortly after noon, I went into Arlyn's bedroom to get a few things to take with me. I was preparing to drive about three miles out into the country, to Woodhaven Road. Cultivate a Friendship with Death Why We Fear Death"Men fear death as children fear to go in the dark." - BaconThere may be a thousand reasons why we fear death, but most of all we fear death because we fear the unknown, and death is an unknown entity to most people. Dads, Life, and Death When he looked at me, it was clear my father wasn't sure who I was. And as I looked back at him, I wasn't sure who he was, either. Beyond A Mothers Nightmare To Radical Forgiveness It was a moment I will never forget.On February 22, 2003, I was visiting with my son Brian Michael (http://www. How to Deal with Suffering Reflect upon the following questions, and answer those you feel might be most important for those who are most concerned about this topic.QUESTIONNAIRE ON HOW TO COPE WITH SUFFERING1- If there is a loving God, why do so many Christians and good people have to suffer so much whereas others don't? What about natural disasters?2- In suffering, why are some people so sensitive, and others not, over the same event? Give examples. Suicide - An Eternal Pain Suicide is the one form of death that has quite a stigma attached to it. It brings with it a feeling of shame and betrayal. GoodBye GrandMa My dearest Grandma, I will never forget you & sorry that I was not there with you when you passed.Grandma. Suicide in the Church Part 2 In a town the size of mine - about 16,000 - can a few suicides within a 90-day period be considered an epidemic? I'd say so. Quite a few Christians have contacted me since these tragedies have occurred, people struggling with the in's and out's of suicide and its effect on one's eternal reward, among other concerns. Are We All Losers? Understanding Grief The well-known pioneer researcher Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross identified five states through which the dying patient goes. Silent Tears - from a Norwegian Hospital Silent tears hit hospital-white sheets. The young Pakistani mother holds the mask that brings moisture, oxygen and medicine to her babygirls lungs as she struggles against the slime that threatens to suffocate her. The Truth About Emotional Intelligence There is so much emphasis on emotional intelligence these days that it appears that people are suppressing their emotions and problems in an effort to "fit in," to keep their jobs, and using "positive self-talk" to muscle through the rough spots in their lives.Recently, I had a friend over who has suffered enormous job stress during a time when his wife's father was dying of cancer. If Ever It Is Me With my father, his brother and their father having had late onset Alzheimer's I can't help but wonder if someday it will be my fate. This is what I have told my family. Death Poem During the two years of my husband's terminal illness, death was never far from my mind. We had been told he was dying and even a time in which it was supposed to happen. One Womans Way of Dealing With Grief All of us at one time or another have felt grief: perhaps over a lost job, lost love, or the most heartbreaking, the death of someone we loved dearly. Each of us goes about the task of grieving in our own distinct way. Pope John Paul II WHAT I LEARNED FROM POPE JOHN PAUL II ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~I am not a Catholic, but I felt a deep loss when Pope John Paul II took ill and then died. That's what happens to us with public people--we connect with them even if we didn't know them. Dying at Home - A Precious Gift Few of us care to think about the inevitability of our own demise. We except that we are not immortal, however for the most part, we are successful in putting thoughts of our own death from our mind. Grief & Loss - Healing Your Broken Heart What is it about Grief & Loss that upsets us so much? Is it the heavy duty emoting that we have to do to get through our suffering? Is it the fear we have about opening ourselves to all this pain? Because, let's face it, it's hard down there, in the land of grieving where all those emotions toss us around like a cork on a stormy sea.We understand that this is necessary, at a surface level, but how we are feeling is what really counts.
|
| home | index |site map |
| © 2006 |