| |
| |
|
Humor Information |
|
|
|
Mexican Spaminator
When we decided to move to Mexico, one of the most exciting things that popped into my mind was that I would get a new Internet Service Provider and finally get off the 300,000,000 Spam lists that I was on. I thought for sure I would go insane if I received one more "How to Enlarge Your Manhood" piece of Spam-as if I needed to do that anyway (yeah right). But alas, there are things in life that you cannot escape no matter where you flee and Spam is one of them. The funny thing is, there apparently is not a market for the "How to Enlarge your Manhood" spam here in Mexico. I dare not speculate why although I would very much like to know. I am however, too squeamish to even think of bringing up the issue with anyone, much less my Mexican pals who have internet access. Besides, I cannot even begin to figure out how to ask the question in Spanish-egad!--how on earth would I translate, "manhood"? I am going to have a nightmare over that. Anyway, I am getting Spam here in Mexico. They have finally found me. For the first year of being here in Guanajuato, we didn't have a computer but used the Internet Cafes. Now that we do, it is as if we have become a spaminator-magnet. Just how do they locate you? I wish I had a Person-who-is-a-Spammer magnet so I could locate all the Spammers and then give them a good spam-slapping. This morning, I opened my hotmail account (Oh God! Do you think I've just tipped off more Spaminators by telling them I have a hotmail account?) and lo and behold, there was Spam waiting for me! The subject line read "Miracle Burn". Miracle burn? This was the first time in my life I had ever heard of a burn being a miracle. No thank you, I thought, burns tend to hurt no matter if you call them a miracle or not. But, I had to see what this was so I opened the stupid e-mail. (Do you think opening the thing sends some secret, "We've got a sucker", signal, over the Internet, to the ones who sent this me in the first place? Is that how they do it?) It turns out that this spam was talking about a fat-burning discovery hitherto unknown to anyone else on the planet. In all the history of humanity, just now-maybe even hours ago-someone discovered a new and unknown solution to burning fat off your overfed and overindulged fat body. "Miracle Burn-The First Pill to Master the Art of Natural Weight Loss. Miracle Burn is the first and only weight loss pill to combine both patented Avantra Z and Hoodia." Let's stop here and ask, "What the hell are Avantra Z and Hoodia"? They acted as if everyone should know what Avantra Z and Hoodia are. I had to look again at the ad since I thought "HOODIA" was some person from New Delhi, India, who was selling the stuff. So, I clicked on the ad (probably a BIG mistake). Hoodia is supposed to be, "?the most effective & natural appetite suppressant available. It contains a compound called 'P57', which is a molecule that makes you feel full." Will you just imagine that! One little molecule will bloat you up like a toad so you won't want to go the Dunkin Donuts and wolf down a dozen or so of something gooey and wonderful. I don't know about you but if someone offered me a dozen or so of compound "P57" (What does the "P" stand for-don't anyone dare write me and tell me!) or as it is commonly called, "Hoodia", I would turn and run the other way with a box of gooey glazed under my arm. That is today's Spaminator story. I wonder what tomorrow may bring. In the meantime, I urge you to stay away from Hoodia or anything that even looks like a compound named "P57"! Doug Bower is a freelance writer, Syndicated Columnist, and book author. His most recent writing credits include The Atlanta Journal-Constitution, The Houston Chronicle, The Philadelphia Inquirer, and Transitions Abroad. He is a columnist with Cricketsoda.com and more than 21 additional online magazines. He is also a writer with EzineArticles.com with a readership of almost 6,000. He lives with his wife in Guanajuato, Mexico. His newest books, Mexican Living: Blogging it from a Third World Country and The Plain Truth about Living in Mexico can be seen: CLICK HERE: http://www.lulu.com/mexicanliving
MORE RESOURCES:
Humor - Google News |
|
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
A French Teachers Memories: First Day at School Despite my diplomas that allowed me to teach in state secondary schools, and my requests, I had been appointed to teach to a sixth-grade class. At least, I almost worked in my backyard. American Independence - The True Story It was late in 1775, and King George III was at Buckingham Palace, sitting in reflective mood on his commode. His 13 year old son Prince George (yes, they were very imaginative with their names, those royal types), was sitting on the floor nearby, otherwise occupied with the 18th century equivalent of Game Boy: a model soldier with a rifle sat on a model elephant, shooting at a model tiger two planks of wood away. Used Condom Found In Restaurant Salad Bar; Waiter Embarrassed To Tears Evidence of after-hours activity turned up at a Big Boy restaurant salad bar in Detroit last week, embarrassing not only the perpetrators, but nearly everyone associated with the company.Apparently, Mike Finney and Rhonda Carrion were working together to close down the restaurant's soup, salad and dessert bar and, with no one else around, culminated a night of flirting with sexual intercourse right on the bar. 11 Alternative Garden Games Tired of the same ol', same ol' when it come to entertaining your garden party guests? Weary of boring badminton and jarts? Croquet not your style? Then you're in the right spot! Here are games sure to make your next party the hit of the gardening social season!Icebreakers Game #1: The Gnat Slap Equipment required: A garden of any size. As your guests arrive, invite them for the obligatory 'stroll through the garden'. Not Your Average Sunday Morning Just recently my ex-husband stopped in to visit during his vacation. In the course of small talk, a few old memories usually crop up in the conversation. Computers According to Carol A is for Anti-Virus: she got it from my Uncle.B is for Backup: always look in your rear view mirror first. New Orleans First to Experience Housing Bubble Burst Are we starting to see the Housing Bubble Burst in the wake of Hurricane Katrina? In New Orleans many homeowner's had their equity literally washed away. They are upside down in negative equity and basically underwater. Space, and the Room for It Space exploration came a long way since I was the size of a measurable amount of it.I remember with some pain, my first ride on a penny farthing with its big wheel and long spokes that were well engineered to cut a foot or two off anyone's legs. Humor Quotations - Top 35 Funny Quotations by Famous Comedians "Education is worth a whole lot. Just think - with enough education and brains the average man would make a good lawyer - and so would the average lawyer. Humor Under The Keyboards For me, the piano is the symbol of what is stiff, proper and elegant. It doesn't have faults, it is perfect. Humans are like Monkeys Humans think much like monkeys and other primates, not much different in their abilities to reason. Why is this? We mimic, copy, imitate that which we see. 25 Reasons You Might Need to Wear a Welding Helmet A welding helmet is a safety device worn for protection while one is welding; however, there are definitely many other uses for a welding helmet. A welding helmet is a very practical that should be found in every home. Mexican Spaminator When we decided to move to Mexico, one of the most exciting things that popped into my mind was that I would get a new Internet Service Provider and finally get off the 300,000,000 Spam lists that I was on. I thought for sure I would go insane if I received one more "How to Enlarge Your Manhood" piece of Spam-as if I needed to do that anyway (yeah right). Cheer-Leadership or All I Need to Know About Business I Learned from Cheerleading Thanks to teen movies, many people have this stereotypical idea of cheerleaders as being ditzy and mean. However, there are a great many life-lessons that can be learned during your time on the team that have surprising application in the business world. Laughing Toward Truth: Six Tips for Lighthearted Thinkers Do you believe in the power of your convictions?It's time to lighten up.People love attaching themselves to ideas. Poor Rixs Almanac 8-27-05 Hey, Poor Rix: What do you think about school food? - Former StudentPoor Rix ate lunch at a school last week, and really liked it. Who knew they could make a dessert out of corn chips?Fact is, Poor Rix enjoyed everything about school, except for the "study" part. Miss Cleo Was a Fake... NO - Really? YES Maaan! With her Jamaican accent Miss Cleo, a self proclaimed psychic and shaman would give you the answers to all life's mysteries.. When It Rains, It Pours: Creating a Plan It's time for me to announce that I have a lot of skeletons in my closet. I keep them there to stop people from stealing my jackets. Your Stars Part 3 LibraHit TV show 'The X Factor' is back on our screens giving us all a rare, legitimate chance to laugh at the mentally ill during the audition stages. In this PC berserk world we now live in, such an activity has become scandalously frowned upon so it's only right to thank ITV for reviving this tragically forgotten pleasure by switching on in your droves. Setting History Straight Have you ever heard the name Will Schwenk? Or the name Artie Seymour? Probably not. But you will, you will, when the word gets around about how these two inglorious talents were by-passed, how they missed being touched by the magic wand of Fate.
|
| home | index |site map |
| © 2006 |
